Reasons not to visit the Lake District

It's grim up north

So the Lake District is now a Unesco World Heritage site! Great! What were they thinking? This is clearly a misguided decision that will only serve to clutter the area up with even more disappointed tourists. I therefore feel that it's my duty to try and redress the balance with a truthful account of the region. So here are 14 good reasons why the Lake District is rubbish and really not worthy of your time and effort.

1) It's always raining and blowing a gale.

Me and my Dad cowering for cover on Bowfell

2) The views are grim.

Nothing to see from Rannerdale Knotts

3) The locals are summit slugs.

Hogging the summit and spouting abuse at passers by

4) The rivers are filthy.

Lingmell Beck. A typical rancid Lakeland stream. The smell was offensive.

5) It's really tough walking!

My poor lad ..... near deaths door on Blencathra 

6) The bridges are downright dangerous.

Walk on that and it Will collapse and you Will die. Those 2 only just escaped with their lives.

7) It's a freezing desolate wasteland for 6 months of the year ....

Helvellyn looking grim and uninviting

8) ... and it's packed.

Plotting a way through the crowds on Dow Crag

9) There's nothing to see.

An uninteresting sunset over Loweswater. Blackpool illuminations are miles better

10) It's a boring landscape.

Monochrome Monotony on Lingmoor Fell 

11) The routes are uninspiring and the mountains are featureless.

Scafell Pike looking the very definition of bland from the Esk waterfalls

12) The locals are uneducated.

How can one tolerate a place with such appalling grammar

13) The accommodation is pitiful.

Poor facilities, cramped room & no room service - 0/5 on Trip Advisor

14) I hate it .... and so does my lad.

Having a miserable time on Harrison Stickle

So there it is. How much more evidence is needed? If I were you I would try the Highland's or Snowdonia. It looks far better over there.